The film was showing and it was a girl being ass fucked by two men, she was screaming all sorts of obsenities, of course enjoying the experience as all porn dictates, and I decided to move up towards the second back row, suddenly realising as went closer and closeer to the men there, my smell was distinctly feminine, I was wearing my 'Knowing' perfume, and as if to confirm this I noted each man was staring at me as their faces came into focus, illuminated by the porn on the screen.I sat one seat in from the edge of the row, directly across from one guy who was sitting three seats in, with one behind me to my right and the third guy directly behind the one on my left.I stared at the screen with the girl moaning and begging to be fucked, and I was thrilled I was sitting with three men around me as this girl was begging for it.Using my perifial vision, I saw the guy on my left had his penis out and was jerking on it, alternately looking at the screen action and me, waving it to draw my. To be a whole person again. To be a real person with a life again. To be what used to be me. I wonder about a life that can never be now. A life that, that by contrast, is so different than what I have now. I can not hope for this to be as I would like it. Doing so would mean not considering you and your situation. So instead I attempt to get through the day as best I can. I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for.
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